If I have to talk to the top of someone's head again I'm leaving. I don't know where I'm going but it's away from here. I know cell phones serve a purpose, keep us in touch, are great in case of emergency, blah blah blah but man, they are absolutely ruining it. R-U-I-N-I-N-G it. Why do people think it's socially acceptable now to be checking your cell phone right in the middle of a conversation? Is it me? Am I not charming? Am I not engaging? Am I not worthy of five minutes of your undivided fucking attention? No? Even the most boring person on the face of the planet deserves respect, so maybe at least be polite and tell me that your house is on fire and excuse yourself before checking your phone. I'd much rather be lied to than being passively told I'm boring, which is essentially what you're saying by checking your phone. I want to wear one of those signs that you see at cafés and stores, “No cell phones beyond this point.” That would make a great shirt. You heard it here first, folks.
There's a woman I've met here recently, and believe me she's not the only one who does this, she's just the worst offender, who checks her phone constantly during the ten minutes I see her at my son's swim class. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen her without her phone clutched in her hand or tucked into her bra (I could say something cheeky about this except that I often use my sports bra for a purse. Everything is in there, phone, keys, sandwiches). The funny thing is when I get home and actually log onto Facebook I can see that she's tagged me and updated her status to say "Talking to Kristin at the YMCA!" she's posting that she's talking to me instead of actually talking to me. It's bizarre. Why do we care so much about telling everyone what we're doing at the exact second we're doing it? "Kristin is picking up a prescription for her yeast infection at CVS - feeling itchy". Pbbttt. And you can't tell me that you can still listen to what I'm saying when you're logging on. It's gotten to the point now where I just stop talking, and the sad thing is most of the time they don't even notice. They just check their texts, look up at me, and start an entirely new conversation.. You might as well be saying, “You’re not interesting enough to warrant 100% of my attention but I can give you 60%, right after I tweet about how much I love Maroon 5."
I'm completely convinced
that we need to start teaching cell phone etiquette in school. At least
how to say, “Excuse me” and step away if you need to answer your phone
or check
something. These kids today (she says as she looks up from her bifocals
and
wags her withered finger) seem to think that it’s perfectly acceptable
to be
looking at your phone when you’re face to face with someone. IT IS NOT
ACCEPTABLE, IT'S RUDE AND WE ARE BECOMING A SOCIETY OF ASSHOLES. We’re
so
concerned with keeping tuned in we’ve totally lost the ability to
politely interact with other live humans. I wonder what Gertrude Stein
would say about our generation now. She’d
probably just tweet something macabre and then jump into the Seine.
And with all the new gadgets and "Google Glass" and a whatnot it's only going to get worse. Which is why I'm currently
researching what it takes to become Amish, where social networking means
building a barn with your neighbor instead of updating your status. And when someone says they're on a Blackberry
it means they're just sitting on an actual blackberry. The full length
house coats might be a little warm but I think I could rock those head bonnets.
"Kristin just
churned some butter and is heading to chapel with grootmoeter - feeling
pious, wink!"
