Recently I've discovered I like soft boiled eggs. I found this out when I accidentally screwed up making hard boiled eggs. But oooh, opening up those steaming little suckers, shaking a little salt on top and taking a bite? Delicious.
So the other morning I decide to make one on purpose this time. I looked up the exact directions on the web to make sure I didn't overcook them. I only omitted the first stage which said, "Leave egg out on counter for 30 minutes prior to cooking so that it is room temperature when you boil it." Ah, I probably don't need that step, I'll just cook it for a minute or two longer instead because, you know, I'm creative like that.
I fill the pot, turn on the burner and in goes my egg. When it was finished I took off the burner, as directed, to let it cool for a few minutes. While waiting I got out my very special little egg cup that's been sitting in my cupboard all these years, in the back, neglected and lonely. Well today was the day, I got to finally put it to some use!
I set my place at the table, got out my napkin, salt shaker, and tiny spoon, just like a real adult would do. I then took my egg, cracked the top of the shell and sat down to eat it. As I delicately sunk my spoon in I soon discovered why that first step that I skipped was so important. It wasn't cooked at the way through. Dammit!
What to do, what to do. I can't put it back in the water because I've already opened it. Hmmm, as I look around the kitchen my eyes come to rest on THE MICROWAVE! That incredible modern invention that let's you cook food in mere SECONDS, amazing!
As I walk over to pop my egg in, some faint, long ago heard warning enters the back of my mind, something about not putting eggs in the microwave. Ah, well that doesn't surely apply here since that's only for WHOLE, RAW eggs, not half cracked, mostly cooked eggs, right? Riiiight.
I ignore that warning, much like I ignored the directions on how to make this fucking thing. In goes the egg, I press 30 seconds on the timer and then stand and watch as it rotates. Mmmm, I'm salivating, soft boiled egg, I can hardly wait.
DING! It's ready!
I take out my egg and peruse the yolk which looks PERFECT! There's a little crust on the top but you can tell it's not quite cooked all the way through which is just right for a soft boiled egg. (This is fascinating stuff, right?)
I'm so excited for this, who knew you could cook eggs in the microwave? It's as if whole new world has opened up to me. Very exciting.
So I stand with my egg, too eager to sit, take my spoon and gently delve into the yolk when BLAMMO! The yellow yolk explodes all over my face, microwave and cabinets. Apparently you CANNOT cook eggs in the microwave, and if you do, you are guaranteed to, in addition to feeling like an idiot, have egg all over your face, and quite possible burned eyeballs from scorching yolk spurting into them.
If at first you don't succeed, throw the damn egg in the trash and have a bowl of cereal.
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