I'm on Facebook. I admit it, I'm addicted to it, I'm addicted to the FAME of it. Seeing those little "thumbs up" likes? Come on, I live for them. Oh sure, I act like it's no big deal, it's like, "Oh, did someone comment on my status? Huh, I hadn't noticed." IT'S ALL A LIE, THEY LIKE MY UPDATE, I AM SOMEBODY.
Jeez that makes me feel so pathetic but so be it. I love Facebook.
Now I know Facebook is probably a terrible thing, there we all are, putting out our dirty laundry for everyone to see, a voyeuristic indulgence, a risk in these identity-vulnerable times, I know this. But I can't help it.
Now I'm not like a lot of those people on Facebook, you know the ones, they put absolutely everything out there for all to read, "I think my boyfriend is cheating on me." or "Having trouble getting pregnant, think my husbands sperm isn't viscous enough." GROSS. Keep it to yourself, jeez. Now every time I see your husband I'm going to be thinking about his wiener problems.
No, I use Facebook for humor (ok, and my own sick need of validation.) Most often I use movie quotes from the 80's since that is my genre de choice (please say with snobby accent.) Breakfast club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, with a little Three Amigos thrown in. I also use it for witty observations, or what I consider witty observations about our five year old, like how he's created this whole imaginary world where he works at Costco at night while the rest of us are asleep. According to him he works Friday, Saturday, Thursday and gets paid something like sixty eleven the first hour then five twenties the next, whatever that means. He also apparently likes to stand outside with "the guys" when he's on break and drink coffee. And no, he doesn't get a discount (which I ask him every time we're there shopping.) These are the things I put on Facebook, and maybe an occasional picture of the family, and okay, I'll admit it, pictures of myself where I think I look exceptionally cute. "Oh, do I like good in this picture? I didn't realize, it's just a totally random shot." Puh-leez.
Now, everyone uses Facebook for different reasons, that's obvious. Some people use it to brag about their children, to keep in touch with family, some use it to post their Pinterest projects, and some people use it to spread the word of The Lord (we capitalize The Lord, right? Am I going to hell if I don't capitalize? I don't know, better be safe than sorry.) For instance, there is a girl on fb the used to be a pretty big "hoo-ah" in high school. I hate saying whore, or slut, because there is no male equivalent so I'll say the Rhode Island pronunciation of whore just to get my point across. Hoo-ah. The girl had some fun, you understand.
Anyway, she's now on Facebook and boy let me tell you what, she's found THE LORD (all caps). She has found him and embraced him and focused her entire life, and the life of her family, around The Lord.
Now, there's nothing wrong with this of course, I know Jesus, he's a great guy, but just because I don't go around Facebook quoting scripture all day doesn't mean I don't have God in my life. It's just kind of funny to see such a massive turn around. But sometimes, I'll admit, I think she's over compensating for past discrepancies....just a bit. We get it, you love Jesus, I think you're probably forgiven for blowing half of the JV football squad by now, can we move on?
Now the people I have the biggest problem with are the ones WHO WILL NOT SHUT THE EFF UP ABOUT POLITICS. I try to keep my page as politico-free as possible. I feel that politics, like religion, is a very personal thing. They're such hot button topics, which most people feel very passionate about, I think that they should be avoided at all costs, kind of like the topic of abortion. If you're pro-choice chances are if you get into a "discussion" with pro-lifers it ain't gonna go so well. So unless you are SURE that the person you are talking to feels the same you do then shut the hell up already. Unless of course you can have a free an open conversation about it all, but most people can't, they feel they just have to educate you on what they feel is right while simultaneously criticizing what you think and ultimately you just walk away pissed and try to avoid them in the future.
Just the other day I was literally ACCOSTED by my new neighbor about how terrible and evil Obama is and how he's ruining America, blah blah blah burkah, all I was doing was taking out the trash and saying hello, dammit! I am not trying to have a political discussion with you at 8am while I'm standing here in my Spongebob pj bottoms. I just stood there smiling and nodding and slowly backing my way into the house. Here's a tip: if I don't ask you your opinion about politics, don't give it to me. Some people enjoy discussing politics. I am not one of those people. I realize your facebook page is your canvas to express your freedom of speech, doesn't mean I have to look at it and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean you can invade my facebook page with your negative name calling political agenda bullshit.
Thank goodness for that "hide page" option. Trust me it's better in the long run, and for the sake of our friendship, if you just keep it to yourself.
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