Well the hell is going on with pollen count this year!!???!!! I just double punctuated that sentence, you know it must be really fucking serious.
For realsies, I am a ridiculous sneezing, itchy throat, watery eye MESS this allergy season. I cannot stop sneezing, literally, CANNOT stop. ACHOO! I can only hope that theory that you lose brain cells everytime you sneeze isn't true because at this rate I will be eating my own poop next week.
I don't remember it being this bad last year, maybe I just blocked it out or plain old forgot, what with all those missing brain cells.
I used to have seasonal allergies really bad when I was in college in Santa Barbara. Especially during those Santa Ana winds. Not cool, Santa Ana, not cool.
For kicks my roommates used to imitate me by putting on my jacket and back pack, and then they'd say, "Hey, guess who I am.", go outside and stand there exaggeratedly sneezing in what I had to admit was a pretty dead on impression of me coming home from campus. I don't even know how I managed to sit through classes without disrupting everyone, I probably just shoved tissues up my nostrils to stop the violent sneezes so I didn't blow the papers off everyone else's desk... it's becoming clearer and cleared to me why I didn't date much back then....
I took every kind of medication I could get my hands on, but very few worked. For awhile I thought my problems were solved when I discovered Claritin, but alas, twas short lived, my body adjusted to the stuff and it no longer worked. My body is constantly outsmarting me, if only my brain were that quick.......
So, I lived with it. It's not like I had them all year, it was really just Spring, but hey, that's still three months of brain cell loss. Over the years it adds up.
After college I moved to San Francisco but I don't really remember having that much of an allergy issue there, maybe because it's so damp the rain keeps the pollen in check, who knows. Or maybe I was just too drunk too care.
However, when I moved to Baltimore things went nuts. The four seasons, a new thing for this southern California gal, were amazing, especially the colorful spring. I loved them. But when makes all those glorious colors? The vibrant greens, oranges, pinks, reds, and yellows? Why it's POLLEN you idiot! Disaster. I could hardly see the trees through the sneeze....s. What to do? Well my neighbor Amanda had the same issues as myself and she started taking Nasonex, which is that stuff you spray up your nose and snort. Attractive, I know. But hey, it worked. Got my own prescription and voila, goodbye itchy, watery, sneezy girl!
But here I am, back in Southern California and I'm a constant sneezing mess yet again. I just went to the doctor to get my new prescription on Nasonex, hopefully my body hasn't outsmarted itself yet again and will accept it. I refuse to think about what will happen if it doesn't work. What's my option then? I can't stop sneezing, my throat hurts from all the mouth breathing I'm doing at night because my nose is stuffed, I have a headache, I'm tired, this is bullshit. If it doesn't work, I'll just have to move to somewhere with no pollen. I wonder what The Sahara is like this time of year. Hey, maybe I can get my hands on what of those controlled environment plastic tent things, you know, like Boy in The Bubble. People can bring me stuff and I can sit in it and watch TV.....hey, wait, this isn't sounding so bad. It will be like a vacation, do you think Dominos will deliver in there?
Well, maybe I should try the Nasonex first before breaking ground on the bubble.....I'll let you know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go shove more tissue up my nose.
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